Wormholes vs. Portals

Author’s Note: The first section of this is pretty straight forward, but the second section is a bit off the beaten path. More, had been requested, so I decided to try something I’d seen done once before and write a section in nothing but dialog. Makes it a bit more of a challenge to read, but I think it’s still fairly clear as to who’s saying what, and considering how many characters are there, is a bit more accurate of a ‘group’ conversation.

Author’s Note2: It’s not likely I’ll write another part to this. It was only supposed to be a one time short, anyway, so I’m calling it ‘finished, subject to change.’

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Part 1

Buffy’s eyebrows skewed in confusion as she stared at the ‘thing’ in front of her. They’d heard report of several Lavash demons taking over the local power plant, and vigilant as ever against anything evil, the Slayer and her Scoobies had gone to kill them.

Yes, some nights it was that simple. Apparently tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

The demons, rejects of the prehistoric variety, were swarming around a metal ring they had constructed from various parts scavenged from the plant, and what Buffy would swear were the remains of a toaster.

Finally, she couldn’t resist from asking any longer, “Don’t portals usually require magic doohickeys and the such to work?”

Every Lavash demon stopped what they were doing and stared at her, realizing for the first time that anyone other then themselves was even there, so absorbed had they been in their ‘project.’ There eyes went wide with terror and one even dropped the wrench he was carrying in fright, the consequential clang echoing through shocked silence.

One of the demons finally broke the silence, nervously declaring with a slight edge of fanaticism to his voice, “We’re leaving! Going where the trees are plentiful and no one cares if we eat a whole forest or not. Where there are no more cities, no more humans, no more slayers to torment us!”

Then Xander, one of Buffy’s best friends and chief Scoobie, stepped up next to her and with an excited gleam in his eye, exclaimed, “Wait, I’ve seen this episode!”

Buffy turned to him, incredulous. “You’ve seen this episode?”

“Ya, on Wormhole X-Treme! They’re building their own wormhole!”

“Is that possible?”

But Willow, one of Buffy’s other best friends, and the other chief Scoobie, quickly disagreed, arguing, “No. You can’t just make a wormhole. They occur in space, and…stuff. This is just an energy based, created out of wires and metal and toasters, portal!”

“It’s a wormhole.”

“It’s a portal.”

“Wormhole”

“Portal”

Meanwhile, the Lavash demons had continued operations and soon the leader interrupted their argument by calling out, “We’re all connected, Moe. Hit it!”

Buffy and Scoobies alike immediately turned back to the demons, fully expecting the need to stave off Armageddon, the impending doom of the world, etc, but before ‘Moe’ could actually ‘hit it,’ Something else happened.

The lights flickered as the ring in the center of the room seemed to suck all the power out of the building. What looked like water shot out of the ring only to suck itself back in, leaving the room bathed in a flickering blue light. As portals go, it was one of the prettiest Buffy had seen.

The leader of the Lavash hesitantly questioned, “Moe?”

“Wasn’t me.”

The demon swore. “And it only works once! We were so close!”

Buffy blinked in surprise. “Wait, it’s a one way portal?” Immediately wondering how she was supposed to get whatever came out of the thing back inside again. Everyone waited in apprehension with swords, stakes, and horns raised in self-defense.

Then four normal looking humans, decked out in military garb and carrying semi-automatics, stepped out of the ring. Of all the things she’d seen to ever come out of a portal, this wasn’t one of them. Looking around the room startled, one of the newcomers turned around and demanded. “Carter? We did dial Earth, didn’t we?”

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Part 2

“Carter? We did dial Earth, didn’t we?”

“I was pretty sure I dialed it correctly, sir.”

“How could you?! It was our one and only chance off this stinking planet!”

“Hi, I’m Daniel Jackson, we’re peaceful travelers.”

“You wouldn’t have liked the place we just came from anyway, the only thing there were trees.”

“It’s so not fair. The Universe hates us.”

“You’re travelers? Well that’s a new one.”

“You think it hates you?”

“Yes, I’m Daniel Jackson, and this is-“

“So do you go to the hell dimensions, too? Cause that would be kinda suicidal, don’t you think?”

“I’m telling you, this is a wormhole.”

“I’ve been to a hell or two, can’t say I want to go back.”

“It’s a portal.”

“But on Wormhole X-treme-“

“Wow, you get that out here? Good reception.”

“Xander, you can’t create a wormhole on Earth.”

“We almost did, if they hadn’t used it first, stupid humans.”

“Portals, wormholes, same- wait. Earth?”

“It would seem we did indeed enter the correct coordinates.”

“But…how…who…”

“You’re peaceful travelers, we all got that already. I’m Buffy, that’s Xander, Willow, and those horny dudes are Lavash demons.”

“Demons?”

“Well we’re not human, that’s for sure.”

“You can say that again.”

“Well, we’re not-“

“There is no way this can be Earth.”

“You can’t tell me you haven’t come across demons traveling through portals before now.”

“Wormhole.”

“Portal”

“Mirror.”

“What?!”

“Sir, what if somehow we’ve passed though a quantum mirror?”

“Oh for crying out loud.”

“It looked like a normal stargate to me.”

“You call them stargate’s, too? So you’re X-Treme fans? I’ve got a lunch box myself, not that you wanted to know that.”

“Please, we came first.”

“You know, demons are just other species. The Goa’uld are considered demons by many cultures.”

“Haven’t heard of those guys.”

“Ya, but demons don’t exist on Earth.”

“I’ve also got a couple posters but I’m not allowed to put them up, and I’ve just mailed in to get a group photo autographed by the cast.”

“Of course they exist on Earth! What dimension have you been living in? Okay, maybe not this one…”

“We’d like to leave Earth if that helps.”

“The Goa’uld are parasitical creatures who pose as False Gods.”

“They pose as false gods?”

“Jack got to work with them once. I wanted to go, but the General wouldn’t let me. I did finally get my permit for a concealed weapon however.”

“He means they pose as gods but are false gods, not really gods at all, just snakes with glowy eyes…right T?”

“It took you that long? Teal’c got his within his first year with us.”

“Indeed.”

“So what else is new?”

“I think I’ve got it figured out, sir.”

“What?”

“This has to be another dimension, one where aliens are demons, and wormholes are portals.”

“Aliens? As in from outer space? Cool, but wait, demons are from outer space?”

“I am not from Earth.”

“You’re a demon?”

“I am not.”

“But they- Hey, where did the horn guys go?”

“Probably to try and find another portal.”

“Wormhole.”

“Whatever.”

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End, the